Jasmine Hart

Your imagery is very good, and I particularily liked "waxen wings". I'm not sure about the first line, as I think "passionately" contrasts a little awkwardly with "atoms". It makes ...

I'm impressed! This was vivid and honest. A couple of minor grammar/phrasing points, which I can point out if you like, but this was very skillfully written for your age. ...

This was great, I really loved it. I'd capitalise the first letter of each stanza, but I think this is a personal preference.Your imagery is excellent. However, I think that ...

I hate to point it out, but "peronality" is a typo. I don't think "him" really needs to be in italics.Other than that, I'm not sure what I can say, ...

I like it, especially stanzas one and three. I like the way it peters out in the last stanza, but overall I think that the conclusion could be more powerful. ...

I liked it, especially the ending.I don't like "Good, no one heard." I think this is a little too colloquial, and is a bit out of synch with the overall ...

I'm sorry, but this isn't your best. The second line needs to be longer, maybe "That's what they say, but I know that it's wrong." The second stanza was a ...

In its own right, I don't think there's anything seriously wrong with this. I think the theme was simple, and you wrote in accordance with that. Yes, it really isn't ...

I love this. I think it's my favourite that I've read by you. The first stanza was perfect. I think I'd omit "an" in the first line of the second ...

I think the second last line of the last stanza is too long. I'd change it to "an end", and then if you wanted, you could rhyme it with "pretend." ...

I love it! I'm not sure about the use of the word "folks". I think I'd say "people" instead, though to be honest I don't really have a reason. I ...

This was a little too happy for my liking, but of course it's not the poem's fault that I'm a cyncic, so I'll try really hard to be constructive! Firstly, ...

I'm not sure that this is finished. The description was vivid, but I don't think there was any sense of closure. I think that you need to develop your theme ...

I loved it. It was so vivid, and the twist at the end was perfect. I think the punctuation was a little too scarce. I'd definetely add some commas, for ...

Sorry, I'm not sure how you delete a post! First off, don't be too hard on yourself about this. It was your first poem, and not all that bad an ...